I don’t actually know why I am writing this letter. We have not been together since we were sixteen. We’ve both been in relationships in the past seven years, yet when people talk about exes you are the first that comes into mind. You are the only one I ever felt that ‘connection’ with. The only one that made me feel like I knew what ‘love’ was. I don’t know if it was because we were both young and naive but sometimes these things just need to be said.
First I want to let you know that I never hated you after our break-up. To be honest, I don’t think there was ever a time I did hate you. I loved you, you were my ‘first love’ as they call it. You were part of my life for two years and when you’re a teenager in school, that feels like forever! Never was you just my boyfriend but you were my best friend throughout those times. I think that is what I hated most after our break up;
I had lost my best friend.
When we broke up it may have seemed like I hated you but that was not the case. All I wanted was to know where it all went wrong. When did you feel like ending it? Was there a time where the relationship was one sided and only I was happy and you just wanted it to be over? The break up didn’t seem to shock me but also everybody around. Getting over you was hard. Especially when all you heard was- ‘You were the forever couple.’ ‘But you two were never meant to break up.’ ‘You two were the perfect couple.’ from everybody at school was tough!
After a discussion with a friend recently, I decided that I wanted to say thank you for not being a ‘typical ex’. Most girls you talk to these days hate their exes and claim that all males are the same. That they are all after one thing (yes I mean sex) or are just players that never really cared. Yet, when I look back I do not feel like you were one of these ‘typical exes.
There was never a time I thought you were with me because all you wanted was sex. Or a time where I thought you did not care about what I had to say or didn’t care about how I was feeling. For this, I want to say thank you. Apart from you I have had some ‘typical exes’. I have had an ex who cheated and an ex who decided he preferred men over women (maybe not so typical). Yet, when I look back I never had a reason to call you typical and I never had a reason to hate you.
I wish I could hate you!
I think things would have been easier if you decided to be a ‘typical male’ towards the end of our relationship. It would have been easier if you were texting girls behind my back. It would have been easier if you cheated. At least if you did these things I would have a reason to hate you and want to forget about everything. Yet, there are still times I watch certain movies or hear certain songs and smile at the memories we had and wonder what ever did happen?
So one last time, thank you. Thank you for being the greatest ‘first’ and thank you for being the greatest ‘memory’ throughout my teenage years.